Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.
Daniel J. Boorstin
There is an important piece of life that many people may disagree with me on: you can’t do it alone. There, I’ve said it. I’m as independent as the next fellow, but I haven’t done everything I’ve accomplished so far in my life without the help of those around me. Throughout my life I have looked up to a lot of people. My parents, teachers, coaches, other adults and peers influenced my life heavily. Whether they knew it or not they all mentored me and helped me become who I am today by being mentors to me.
Why do you need a mentor?
A mentor can help you see the world differently. They may have been in your shoes before and had the exact same problem that you are having. They can give you advice on a topic that you are just learning about or they can show you something you are missing on a project you are working on. Don’t underestimate the power of another set of eyes when you are stuck on something.
What should you talk about?
Talk about what you can’t or won’t talk about with anyone else in your social circle. If your mentor isn’t at the same company as you, tell them about what you like and don’t like about your job. Ask them for advice on how to handle difficult people or tough situations. Ask them what they would do differently if they could start stages of their life over again.
Make it a Two-Way Street
What a mentor can do for you is not the only important part of the connection. It is just as imperative that you help your mentor too. Make the friendship real. If you just call upon your mentor when you need a job or advice, the relationship will likely deteriorate. I’ve had formal mentors through programs at work or school that I took for granted. I didn’t fully appreciate them or take the time to develop the relationship we had. I am so far removed from them now it would be difficult to rekindle the relationship we once had. Show your mentors that you are thankful for their time and effort. Keep working at building the bonds and you can develop a strong network of mentors.
How to Find a Mentor
Look at your place of employment or school that you attend for formal mentor programs. If there are none available there is nothing wrong with asking your family and friends to be your mentor or ask them if they could recommend anyone. A mentor doesn’t necessarily have to be someone older than you either. If there is someone that is a subject matter expert in a topic or area you want to grow in, it doesn’t matter how old they are, just that they have experience and know how for you to learn from.
Virtual Mentors
Nowadays you can have a mentor anywhere in the world and still communicate with them. Do you have a certain writer that you love to read and want some help deciding on a future path? Try contacting them. Want to practice your French with a native speaker? Look online for one trying to learn to speak English. The worse thing that can happen is that they don’t respond or that they say no. The best thing that can happen is that you both grow in to better people and change the world. If you put yourself out there, most people are more than willing to help.
So what’s keeping you from having a mentor or five? Go find one!
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Speaking as someone who has long been responsible for the development of others, I will echo the value of a mentor. I would also add that one needs more than a mentor, one needs a Mastermind Group. A Master Mind Group, simply put, is a group of individuals who have the knowledges, skills, experience, willingness and time to assist you. For a good explanation and a must read book, read Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill.
Tim Krupa
I haven’t read that book, but it is on my list of professional development books to read. The main book that influenced my views towards building a network was How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.
I haven’t consciously gone out looking for mentors, because I wouldn’t necessarily know how to ask. But I have been fortunate enough to find them at various stages in life.
As you say, Caleb, it’s a two-way process. I got the mentors without asking, because first I proved to them that I was willing to work hard and do the best job I could whether it was working on high school projects, or in my day job. There would always be people who are trying to bring you down because they are full of negativity. In that sort of environment, having a mentor, your one staunch supporter, can make a HUGE difference.
I also agree about Mastermind group. I’ve been in one for a month, and we are all at about the same level, sort of starting out. It’s been amazing. I would love to be in a group with people more experienced than myself as well, learn from the pros so to speak, but that’s the plan. The journey now is about getting there, so that I can be of use to them as well.
I’m glad you are having great success with your mastermind group so far Dolly. I found my group to be invaluable at the beginning of my journey.
For the longest time, I have wanted to “go it on my own”. I had a mentor when I was in high school who killed himself. It really took a toll on me-I never wanted help with anything again. I thought my mentor could succeed at anything. If he couldn’t survive in this world, how could I?
Finally, after many years, I feel ready to have a mentor again. They aren’t easy to find once you’re out of school, though. I truly hope I’ll find a blogging mentor one day. You’ve inspired me to send out some emails this week and keep my fingers crossed.
Hey Elan,
Thanks for sharing such a personal story. I hope you find a mentor or two to help with blogging. Also look for people at your level to be co-mentors with.
I definitely recommend a ‘mentor’! The problem though is that finding a mentor is not an easy task - especially if you have to scour on the net. The first mentor you need to find is someone you already know. Sometimes, we do not see that the potential mentor is in front of us because we do not ‘look’ for them. We ought to open our eyes to do this.
I also recommend finding a support group which is a well-known idea among bloggers (also known as mastermind group). In the self-improvement arena, this is more so a must. We need to know that some others are in the same struggle- and they are the best people who can understand you.
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